Two I Cannot Thank in Person

Where the Word "Mentor" Comes From

The word comes from a real character in Homer's Odyssey. When Odysseus left for the Trojan War, he asked his old friend Mentor to take care of his family. Mentor became a teacher to Odysseus's son, Telemachus, while his father wandered for ten years trying to get home. In the story, the goddess Athena sometimes appears in Mentor's form to teach Telemachus directly. By the time Latin was carrying the word forward, Mentor had become a common noun. Somebody who shares their wisdom and experience with someone else.

I learned about Mentor from my brother. He was in college, studying ancient history, Greek, and Latin. He used to come home with stories about Roman emperors and Greek poets and how the smartest people in the ancient world made sense of what they were living through. Among those stories was Mentor and Telemachus. The story stuck because it described something I had not had words for yet. The teacher who is not your parent and not your professor, but who teaches you anyway.

A study of two thousand entrepreneurs found that those who had a mentor were almost twice as likely to be successful. The Greeks knew that. The Romans knew it. Most of us figure it out a little late.

The Mentors I Wrote About in 2022, and the Two I Missed

I wrote a piece called The Adventure of Mentor in 2022. The piece honored four people who shaped my career. Doug, the teacher who had been in the seat I was thinking about. Henry, the man who asked questions until I figured out my own answer. John, the boss who pushed me harder than I knew I could go. Julie, the change manager who taught me that the three most important parts of running change are communication, communication, and communication. The piece holds up. They each got a section. They each deserved one.

There were two people who should have been on that list and were not. They are not here to read this. Today is the right day to fix it.

Barb Harris, Who Saw Something I Did Not See in Myself

Barb was the director who saw something in me before I saw it in myself. She was the one who moved me from project manager to program manager, which is a step a lot of people get stuck before. She did not ask if I was ready. She decided I was. The decision opened the door to the rest of my career.

Because of Barb, I got to do work I would not have known to ask for. Different programs. Different stretches. The kind of variety that turns a job into a career. Every one of those experiences traces back to her belief in me at a moment I would not have backed myself.

Barb passed away from an illness. I still think about her often. The thanks she earned from me is the kind I cannot give her in person anymore. Some of it I am giving here.

Ed Andregg, Who Never Forgot the People

Ed and I worked together on one of the most difficult programs of my career, the sale of State Farm's Canadian business to Desjardins. Ed was smart and quick on his feet. He understood the politics of a situation faster than most people understood the situation itself. He gave the kind of feedback that made you better, and the kind of partnership that made sure you were prepared before a hard meeting started.

The thing about Ed I will never forget is what he carried into a transaction that was supposed to be about assets and contracts. He carried the people. The State Farm employees in Canada who were going to land at Desjardins did not have a choice in the matter. Ed never let that drop out of view. They were always part of his thinking. When you are negotiating a divestiture at that scale, the easiest thing in the world is to forget the people whose names appear in the personnel files you are transferring. Ed did not forget. That mattered to me then. It still matters to me now.

The Encouragement

Mentoring relationships do not have to look like Mentor and Telemachus. They do not have to be old-to-young. The world has changed enough that I learn from my kids every day. They teach me things I could not have learned anywhere else.

Memorial Day is a day for remembering people who served. For me, the two people I am remembering today did not serve in uniform. The thanks I owe them is real either way. Barb gave me the door I would not have walked through on my own. Ed gave me a model for how to lead a hard transaction without forgetting who the transaction was happening to. Both of those gifts shaped how I work, every day, more than they probably knew.

If you are early in your career, find a mentor. If you are mid-career, find a mentor and become one. If you are late in your career, mostly mentor, but never stop being one. The work is reciprocal in ways that surprised me.

Today is a good day to send a note to somebody who shaped you. They will read it and probably tell you they were just doing their job. They were not. They were teaching you. You owe them what little you can pay back. For the ones you cannot reach anymore, write something they would have wanted to read.

The people who made me are not all here. Two of the most important ones are gone. Memorial Day is for naming them, even when the naming is years late. Barb Harris and Ed Andregg. Both of them shaped how I lead. Neither of them can hear the thanks anymore. The writing is the way I can still pay it.