The two-list exercise
Early in my career I worked for a project manager who was good at delivery. Very good, actually. The numbers were there. The milestones got hit. What was not there was any real regard for the people doing the work. It was all about the results.
That experience planted something. I decided that when I led projects, the people were always going to matter. You get paid for delivery. But delivery does not happen without people. Ignoring that is not a management style. It is a short-term strategy that runs out eventually.
When I started thinking seriously about moving into leadership, I went to talk to someone I respected: Don Read. He asked me a direct question.
”Do you know what kind of leader you want to be?”
I hesitated. Don said, “That’s not true.”
He was right. I did know. I had been collecting the answer for years without realizing it. I had watched leaders fail people and watched leaders trust them. I knew exactly what I wanted to do and what I refused to repeat. Don just made me write it down.
He told me to take two pieces of paper. On the first, write every good thing the best leaders in my career actually did. On the second, write every bad thing the worst ones did. Then do the first list. Do not do the second.
In one line
Do the first list. Don’t do the second.
Why the list evolves
The list I wrote early in my career is not the same list I would write today. That is a good sign.
Some things I put on the bad list early turned out to be behaviors I did not yet understand in context. A leader who seemed rigid was actually holding a boundary I could not see yet. A manager who seemed distant was carrying pressure that was invisible to me at the time. As I got more experience, a few things moved.
Other things got more fixed, not less. People first was always on the good list. It is still there. It is not going anywhere.
The list is not a document. It is a practice. You update it as you learn. The point is not to get it perfect once. The point is to keep examining it.
Leadership before the title
When I decided I wanted to become a leader, I also thought about what skills would carry through regardless of what the role was called. Time management. Managing communications. Conflict resolution. Change management. These are not leadership-level skills. They are always-on skills. They matter whether you have a team reporting to you or not.
I did not wait for a formal leadership position to develop them. I treated them as baseline. If you are waiting for the title before you start becoming the leader, you are waiting too long.
Interview the real experts
I added something to Don’s exercise. When I saw a leader who was good at something on my list, I went and talked to them. Not to flatter them. To learn specifically what they did and how they thought about it.
One of my favorites was a VP who had a straightforward philosophy: you do not need to be the smartest person in the room. Trust the people who are in the room with you. Ask questions. Stay curious. His job was not to have all the answers. It was to make sure the right questions got asked.
That went on my good list. Some of what other leaders told me I adopted directly. Some I modified to fit how I work. Some did not fit at all. That is fine. Leadership is not copying. It is deciding what fits your environment and what fits you, then committing to it.
If you are not growing
There is a truth I come back to often: if a tree is not growing, it is dying. There is no standing still.
I will admit there were stretches in my career where I stopped focusing on growth. I got comfortable. I got busy. I told myself I would get back to it. Those were the periods where I could feel I was not at my best. The list stops updating. The curiosity goes quiet. You start repeating yourself without noticing.
The two-list exercise only works if you keep returning to it. What got added this year? What came off? What do you understand now that you judged too quickly before? The leaders who stay sharp are the ones who keep asking.
How this insight supports different learners
R Readers
Follow the origin story: a bad leader planted the seed, a VP modeled the alternative, and Don Read gave the exercise that made it explicit.
L Listeners
Hear the Don Read conversation and recognize the moment when someone names what you already know about yourself.
D Doers
Take two pieces of paper. Write the good list. Write the bad list. Then do the first one and stop doing the second.
O Observers
See a leader who built his standard from experience, not theory, and who keeps updating it as he learns.
Questions this insight answers
- How do I define my leadership style?
- How do I decide which leadership behaviors to keep and which to leave behind?
- Can I develop a clear leadership identity before I have a formal title?
- Why does writing down leadership values matter?
- How do I stay consistent as a leader when pressure builds?